Do you have a friend that promises to call you back but you hang up knowing she won't? Or you make plans with her and she cancels after you've already gotten dressed? Or she says she's too tired to go out but you see her on SnapChat and she's hugged up with that same lame she calls her 'boyfriend'? Well...I am that friend. CORRECTION...I WAS that friend. Especially in my early 20's. Now as I get closer to 30 I understand the value of true friendships, and luckily I was able to hang on to a couple of my girls.
Honestly, I didn't realize my actions were bad or disrespectful until recently. I got 'friend dumped'. Yes...DUMPED. It was almost like a relationship ended. She blocked me on all social media and we just didn't talk anymore. I finally mustered up the strength to reach out to her a year or so later and she told me: "I just wasn't a good friend to her." I had to sit and think about what a good friend was...it's safe to say she was right, I wasn't. The older you get the harder it is to hold on to good secure friendships. As relationships start, children are born, careers are launched, there are so many other factors that get in the way.
How can you maintain those GGF's (good girlfriends)? There will always be unpreventable things that happen...but let's be real in my case most of it was preventable OR I would double book myself.
1. K.I.T. - Keep in Touch. My friends and I now have a group text, and for other friends I try to reach out at least once or twice a month. Reaching out can be a phone call, a text or even an invite to an event I'm attending.
2. Schedule Girl's Nights - My closest friends and I have a girls night out once a month that each of us plans. It's always something different and we all agree on a date that works with everyone's schedule. The best part about it is seeing what the other individuals enjoy doing, or when we can try new things or restaurants.
3. Be Selfless - I have trained myself to step out of my introverted shell sometimes. When I normally may say no, I'll say yes. Some friends become family and you never know how your impact may help somebody else's life.
I know I'm too grown to make rules for keeping friends, but honey, the struggle is real. But learning to balance your life is worth the challenge. What's life without friends anyhow?
Contributor post by Felecia of FeleciaMonique.com. Make sure to follow her on Facebook, Twitter, & Instagram!
Good points.
ReplyDeleteThere's no age limit for holding yourself accountable. Especially about people, or things that you value. These are great ways to keep and maintain a healthy sisterhood with your friends. I love it!
ReplyDeleteGreat points! After moving from my college town, I found it harder to keep up with my girlfriends with the different responsibilities and time zones (one of them moved to China!).
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to this post. When we are being bad friends it doesn't seem to ever cross our mind that we are doing so until they find a new bestie or are just done with us altogether.
ReplyDeleteAll good points plus keep in mind we all have different things happening in our lives that get the best of us and just need time away.
ReplyDeleteI recently went through a similar situation. A friend stopped making time for me and I had to block her because I didn't want any reminders of her having fun yet not answering my calls. Eventually almost 3 years later she reached out and we are rebuilding our friendship. I try to reach out to my girls on Mondays before the week gets too hectic. Great reflection!
ReplyDeleteIve dumped a few friends myself after realizing they were never good friends. But life does come at you and Im blessed to have friends who know that regardless of life, I will drop things if they need me. Its all about boundaries, but we all have our lives to live.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm always the good friend that gets burned sometimes. I'm learning that some people are only in your life for a season. Sometimes we try to hold on to things or people and it may time to let them go.
ReplyDeleteAll of these as such easy and simple points be we all have to be reminded sometimes. I really value my friendships, especially my close ones and appreciate when my friends reciprocate the love! Glad you learned.
ReplyDeleteI think the older we get, the harder it is to maintain real friendships. But at the same time, I have my friends that I don't talk to that much but we are still close and it's like we talk all the time.
ReplyDeleteGreat tips! I've lost tons of friends as I got older. Some just grow apart, and we were not on the same level anymore. No hard feelings )
ReplyDeleteSo sad. Losing girlfriends is the worst. I have lost a lot of friends growing up. Especially after having my son. :-(
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